I Never Make My Kids Do Their Homework — Here’s 10 Reasons Why
- josinevanderknoop
- Mar 13
- 5 min read
It’s one of the biggest frustrations I hear from parents: “How do I get my kid to do their homework without a fight?”
Parents tell me they constantly have to remind their child to do their homework, to sit down and focus — or it will never get done. Their kids get distracted, drag their feet, and homework time turns into a daily power struggle.
"Did you finish your math?""Stop stalling and focus!""You know it’s due tomorrow, right?"
I know what it’s like, I used to be that parent — nagging, reminding, and hovering. Until I stopped.
That’s right. I don’t make my kids do their homework anymore. And here’s why: It’s not my job.
What Am I Really Teaching Them?
It’s their homework. Their responsibility. Their path to take — or failure to make.
As parents, we often feel like it’s our duty to make sure they succeed — to prevent them from falling behind, to shield them from failure. But is that really helping them in the long run? Or are we just trying to soothe our own discomfort with the possibility that they might fail?
We catastrophize: What if they flunk? What if they have to repeat a class? What if they can’t get into a good college?
So what?
Finishing school a year later or at a different level isn’t the end of the world. If it’s their path, they’ll figure it out — and they’ll feel more successful and fulfilled if it’s because of their effort, not because we dragged them across the finish line.
If success comes from us — from our reminders, our pressure, our problem-solving — they miss the real reward: knowing they did it on their own.
Why I Stopped Making My Kids Do Their Homework
Once I realized that, everything changed. Here are 10 reasons why I no longer make my kids do their homework — and why you might want to consider doing the same:
1. It’s their learning journey.
They’re the ones in school — not me. If they don’t do the work, they’ll face the consequences. That’s part of growing up.
My daughter once left her math homework at school. She panicked, and I could have emailed the teacher or tried to fix it — but I didn’t. She went to school empty-handed and had to face the teacher. Now? She’s a lot more careful about checking her backpack before leaving school.
2. Failure is a better teacher than you are.
Missing an assignment or getting a bad grade is uncomfortable — but that discomfort is what teaches them to try harder next time.
My daughter once forgot to study for her spelling test — and guess what? She bombed it. I didn’t remind her or rush in to help. And you know what happened the next week? She studied on her own because she didn’t want to feel unprepared again.
3. Homework isn’t a reflection of my parenting.
Whether they get an A or an F, it doesn’t define my success as a parent. My job is to raise capable humans, not straight-A students.
If they fail a test or miss an assignment, it’s not about me — it’s about them figuring it out.
4. It teaches independence.
My daughter used to ask me to sit with her while she did her homework. I stopped — not because I didn’t care, but because I wanted her to manage it on her own.
At first, she resisted — but now, she handles it by herself. And I hear fewer complaints about how “boring” it is or how “her mistakes are all my fault.”
Letting them manage their own work gives them the skills to handle bigger challenges later in life.
5. They need to learn self-motivation.
I used to say, “If you don’t finish your homework, you’re not getting screen time.” It worked — temporarily. But as soon as the reward was gone, so was the motivation.
Now, I let the natural consequences play out.
If they don't do the work, they face the teacher.
6. Power struggles aren’t worth it.
Do you really want to spend your evenings fighting over fractions? I’m picking my battles, and this is no longer one of them.
Let that go.
7. They’re allowed to struggle.
Learning isn’t supposed to be easy. Let them sit with the discomfort of figuring it out.
When my daughter says, “I don’t understand this,” I don’t jump in anymore. I say, “Try to figure it out first.” Sometimes she gets it, sometimes she doesn’t — and that’s okay.
8. Your relationship matters more than their grades.
If homework becomes a daily battleground, you risk damaging the connection that matters most.
My daughter once shouted, “You’re not helping me! It’s all your fault!” after I tried to walk her through a tough assignment. That was a wake-up call. I realized that trying to control her work was not helping — to the contrary, it was hurting our relationship.
Now, I ask how I can support her instead — and our relationship is better for it.
9. It’s not always about success — it’s about resilience.
Kids need to learn how to bounce back after a setback. Homework is a low-stakes place to practice that.
My daughter got a bad grade on a project she barely worked on. She was upset, but I didn’t make a big deal about it. Instead, I said, “What would you do differently next time?” She shrugged — but the next time, she started earlier and put in more effort.
10. Because it’s not your job.
I’ll never forget the day I realized I was stressing over my child’s homework more than they were. That’s when I decided: This is not my responsibility.
Your job is to support them — not to save them from every challenge.
So, What Should You Do Instead?
Instead of pushing them, I try and stimulate them by asking:
💬 “How can I support you with homework?”
💬 “Would it help if I reminded you once, or would you rather figure it out yourself?”
💬 “Do you want to set a code word for when it’s time to focus?”
Set clear expectations. Offer help — but only if they want it. Let them face the consequences if they don’t follow through. That’s how they’ll learn.
I know, this is REALLY hard…. And it sounds much easier than it is, but I have to tell you, our home is a lot calmer, because there is one less battle to fight each night.
My kids feel more independent and motivated because they do it because they want to, and not because I make them.